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Alzheimer's Aid Society Happenings! Supporting the caregiver. Remembering the cared for. |
In this issue:
- Golf Tournament - Sponsorships Available
- Info for the Caregiver's Family: When Your Parent Has Alzheimer's
- Upcoming Events
- What is "Happenings!"
Golf Tournament - Sponsorships Available
| The 14th Annual Golf Tournament is scheduled for Friday, September 15, 2017 at Teal Bend Golf Club. A big "thank you" to our title sponsor, Atria Senior Living. Want your organization recognized at the Tournament? See what sponsorships are available! We will include your logo on our website!! Questions? Call Max Perry at (916) 996-7202. Get together with your friends and plan for a great day! Register your foursome TODAY!! |
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Info for the Caregiver's Family: When Your Parent Has Alzheimer's
This month the “Info for Caregivers” article is a little different. This article is directed to the caregiver’s family from the perspective of an adult daughter. We hope you can share it. The author is Nancy Gemignani, editor of "Happenings!".
My Dad and Mom were in their mid-70s and I was in my early 50s when we found out Dad had Alzheimer’s. I’ll be honest, at that time, I did not have a clue of what was to come. It wasn’t real - I had my busy, full life. I’m embarrassed to say I pretty much left Mom and Dad on their own to deal with the early stages.
Four years into our journey, Mom was struggling – physically, emotionally, and mentally. Fortunately, I was able to retire and became the “Junior Caregiver”. In the final four months of his life, Dad went downhill quickly and died in April 2016. Mom and Dad were married for 62 years and Mom was a dedicated caregiver for seven years.
This is what I learned about how we, as the family, can and should…
…Help the caregiver parent:
- Work with them, not against them. If your family is all in the vicinity, have a “family meeting”. Help do research and provide information. Ask how you can share responsibilities? But remember, the caregiver parent is the final decision maker.
- Do not criticize what they are doing for the other parent. You are not the expert. You are not there all the time. They are doing the best they can.
- Find and attend a caregiver support group with your parent or on your own. I cannot tell you how much this helped us. We learned a lot and could share what was going on with people who understood.
- Spend time! Assure them they are not alone. Forty percent of caregivers will develop depression. Give them hope. Caregivers become isolated. If you do not live in the area, call regularly.
- Be prepared and willing to do the messy stuff like changing diapers and making the bed.
- Be flexible. Some days your plans will fall apart.
- Ask if there are errands you can run or chores to do. When I went to Mom and Dad’s I looked around for anything that needed to be done – fold clothes, wash dishes, put out the trash cans, etc. Doing what I could meant one thing Mom didn’t have to worry about.
- If you take your parent with Alzheimer’s on outings, this will help give the caregiver a break. I would come over and drive my Dad to and from day care just so Mom would have an extra hour. Or I’d come over and sit with Dad and watch a movie on TV, so Mom could take a nap.
- The caregiver parent will no longer be able to participate in the hobbies that gave them pleasure before Alzheimer’s intruded. My Mom gave up painting and sewing because my Dad would constantly interrupt her. Her life was no longer her own.
- Offer to accompany the caregiver to doctor appointments. Two sets of ears are important.
- When they cry or want to talk, just hold them and listen. They are emotionally fragile – they are watching the love of their life forget every moment of their times together. Their companion, lover, confidante, best friend is gone – as are all of the plans they made for their future together. Be kind and sympathetic.
- At the earliest opportunity, experience a Virtual Dementia Tour. This will give you a clear idea of what your parent is experiencing.
- Spend the time with them to learn what makes them calm or agitated. In the early stages, share activities that they have liked before. For later stages, plan simple, uncomplicated outings like feeding the ducks at the park or just taking a walk if they are physically able.
- Learn to touch. Touching is so important. It reassures the Alzheimer’s parent that you will be there to care for them.
- Your relationship will change. The status quo no longer exists. With Dad, it was hard to see him as someone who needed help rather than the strong hero he was to me.
- Before you begin speaking to them, be sure you have their attention. Do not touch them to get attention, just move slowly into their field of vision. There were many times that I startled Dad because I would just come into the room and start talking to him before he knew I was there. They live in their own world and you need to enter it slowly.
- Treat them with dignity and respect. Answer the repeated questions as if it was the first time. Even though they are sick, they still have feelings.
- You will learn the value of the “therapeutic lie” or bending the truth. I was taught to obey my Dad and tell the truth. But that doesn’t work with Alzheimer’s. There will be times when you will tell them a lie because that is what they need to hear. For example, when they ask about someone who has died, you don't want them to grieve again, so you just say they are "at the store".
- There will be times when you make a mistake or get frustrated. This is where I had my epic fail. Towards the end, Dad refused to take his medications. He would put his pills in his mouth then spit them out like shooting watermelon seeds. It was so FRUSTRATING. I got so mad I yelled at him. At the end of the day, when I realized how mean I had been, I cried and cried. Still makes me cry.
Upcoming Events
- June 15, Thursday, at 2:00 p.m. - Alzheimer's Café in Woodland at St. John's Retirement Village, 135 Woodland Avenue, Woodland. Call (530) 662-1290 to confirm.
- June 21, Wednesday, at 3:00 p.m. - Alzheimer's Café in the Sacramento Rosemont area at Golden Pond Senior Living, 3415 Mayhew Road, Sacramento.
- September 15 - Annual Golf Tournament at Teal Bend Golf Course
"Happenings!" is the our monthly e-mail newsletter for the Alzheimer's Aid Society. We send it at the beginning of the month so you can stay up-to-date on events and news in northern California. We will also include tips for caregivers and highlight new scientific research. Recent issues are available on our website. Do you have a comment or feedback? Please reply to this message - we would love to hear from you.
Our mailing address is:
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Alzheimer's Aid Society of Northern California
2641 Cottage Way #4
Sacramento, CA 95825 USA
Phone: (916) 483-2002